


moving on through what you've done

by Elmers_glue



Series: Moving on [1]
Category: Newsies - All Media Types, Newsies!: the Musical - Fierstein/Menken
Genre: M/M, aden im not sorry, elmer and albert are twins fight me, elmer lives in san diego, finch lives in england, oh gosh, poor elmer sorry, theres a nod at spralbert ur welcome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-31
Updated: 2018-03-31
Packaged: 2019-04-16 04:21:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14156604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elmers_glue/pseuds/Elmers_glue
Summary: Finch breaks up with Elmer. Elmer slowly learns to move on and Finch learns to accept the mistakes he's made.





	1. moving on

“I’m sorry I can’t do this anymore.”

Elmer read the texts over and over again. Apologies and excuses and regrets and now there was tears on the phone he was holding and a plane ticket that would never be used. He was alone. Elmer tore the ticket in half. It was useless. He read the texts again. Just to check if this wasn’t some nightmare or prank, but there was no prank. There was no trick, no joking, no laughter, no Finch. Just Elmer with tears falling onto the floor of his messy room. Just Elmer and his tickets he bought to visit Finch in England that cost him so much. Just Elmer and his lonely, heartbroken thoughts. 

“I love you Finch.” “I love you too Elmer. I’ll never stop loving you.”

How do you stop loving someone that you’d give the universe to? How do you continue on without remembering how someone fell out of love with you, but you’re still hoping they will give any sign of ever liking you again even though it's been weeks since your last communication? How can you trust anyone with your heart like that when you’ve been hurt so badly you can’t go a minute without thinking how you could’ve stopped that from happening in so many ways? How you could be a better boyfriend and been more interesting, and about how you could’ve listened better, or stopped talking about yourself. How if you could’ve been less selfish and thankful for what your life was, instead of where it is now. How you could’ve just been better and smarter and funnier and a lot more than the mess you were. Elmer knew it was pointless to grieve over something gone. His heart was broken apart like the pieces of a puzzle. He was never good at puzzles, so instead of searching for answers he hid under the blankets and cried his problems away. 

“One day we’ll see each other. I promise you elm, one day we’ll go on a real date at the park and be that cheesy couple everyone wants to be. I promise” 

Every word hurt. So why was he rereading their old texts. The late night conversations, the early morning texts, the wishes made at 11:11 of seeing each other, dreaming of hugging and kissing each other and being able to hold hands instead of looking through a screen from across an ocean, messages filled with childlike happiness and the simple joys of just existing in the same time and space as each other, loving each other. Love. Why do people fall in love, the better question being why do people fall out of love? How can two people, be so close then one minute later have their bonds shattered apart and thrown away? Why can some couples be together for years and never grow apart? Why couldn’t Elmer and Finch have that relationship? Elmer’s thoughts interrupted that thought. “What did I do to make him no longer love me? What did I do to no longer be worth it? What if I was never worth it and Finch just was using me? No. Finch loved him. Elmer knew that. Finch told him everyday how much he loved him. But when had he stopped loving him? 

 

“Maybe its time we think about being realistic. This was never meant to last”

Elmer thought it was meant to last. He was an eternal optimist, but now? What was there to look forward to? On his bad days he could always turn to Finch, now he had no one. So he stopped answering texts and muted the group chat and cut off all forms of connection. Ever bing from his phone made him think it would be Finch telling him he loved him and that he made a mistake, or that it was some prank or a joke. But it never was. It never was him. It would never be him. Elmer knew and accepted that. But without fail he always checked to see if it was him. Was this moving on? Elmer didn’t know. What was moving on? Is that when you have no more feelings for them? Is that when there’s no more regrets and no more memories? Or was it no more late nights sobbing into your pillow because you could’ve been better, but you weren’t? Because if that was moving on, Elmer was nowhere close. He was still sobbing into his pillow, he was still missing and remembering, and regretting, and falling into the pit called guilt and sorrow. He still hadn’t showered or left his room. He still hadn’t spoken to his family since then. He didn’t want to tell his friends that what was once the perfect couple, was now a lonely, regret filled Elmer, and Finch who no longer thought he was worth it. He didn’t want to have to explain the tearstains or the eyebags from staying up late and crying because what was once his is gone. He didn’t want to explain that the thought of anyone talking to him made him feel sick because it would never be Finch. He didn’t want to explain how his heart was crushed by a boy who no longer needed or wanted him.

 

“Im sorry but i think we both need to move on”

Was Finch really sorry? Was he really? In order to be sorry you need to regret your decisions. Elmer knew he didn’t regret it, because if he had, Finch would’ve messaged him a long time ago. Elmer thought he was getting over it. Then the phone rung. Once, twice. He answered it.  
“Hello?”  
“Where are you?” Albert had always been straight to the point.  
“Where do you think?” Elmer didn’t mean to snap at him, it was a mix of exhaustion and loneliness that caused it.  
Albert paused “Im on my way.”  
Elmer frantically tried to fix himself up but there was no hiding that he’d been crying not even five minutes ago. 

“What the hell?” Albert asked as soon as he set foot in Elmer’s normally clean room that was now a mess. “What the everloving fuck gave you the right to disappear for a fucking week with no contact. You too busy talking to your boyfriend in england to talk to your friends? I’m your brother, Elmer! I should be more important than your fucking boyfriend, we’re family!”  
“I don’t have a boyfriend.” Elmer whispered.  
“What about Finch? You know your British boyfriend who you bought tickets to England to meet?”  
“He broke up with me.”  
Albert sighed. “Of course he did. Is that why you’ve ignored all contact with us?”  
“Is it that obvious?”  
“The fact that you look like a fucking disaster gives it away, also the ripped up plane ticket on the ground gives it away.” He sat down on Elmer’s bed. “Listen. I know how much you loved him, but you need to move on. Its okay to remember and miss him, but don’t fixate on the past, you can't change that. He left you and that was his fault not yours. You are your person and can live life to the fullest without him. Sure, it'll hurt sometimes, but don’t let that hurt rule your life."  
“Yeah. I can’t stop think about it though. All that’s running through my head is if he ever really loved me. Or what I could’ve done to make him keep loving me. Have you ever loved someone so much you’d give everything they had for them? Have you ever thought someone was your soulmate, or the person you were destined to be with and then suddenly you aren’t ennough? Have you ever been told you’re loved by someone everyday for two years then suddenly its like you never loved each other, and that person is a stranger to you but you love them anyway? I don’t know how to move on. Will I ever even move on or will I be stuck in the endless loop of regrets and failures for the rest of my life? Will this be all I am? Some boy who fell in love once, and got his heart broken s badly he couldn’t live a minute without thinking of it? A person who was too naive to see that he adn his boyfriend were getting farther and farther apart each day with out knowing it until its too late. A person who isnt thankful for what he has and loses it? A boy who pushes away his friends and family for a boy he’s never even met in person?” 

“I haven’t. But I know its not healthy to obsess over these things. Come on, let’s go out and meet Spot or Race or someone.”  
“I’m sure you’d love to go out with them.” Elmer joked.  
“Elmer!” Albert nudged him slightly. 

Elmer may not have known what moving on was, but whatever he was doing felt like it was a step in the right direction. He still loved Finch, a part of him always would, and that was okay. Elmer knew the saying that everything eventually goes well in the world, but he was finally starting to believe it.


	2. Finch

“I’m sorry I can’t do this anymore.”

Finch knew he made a mistake as soon as he sent the message. He didn’t want to break up with Elmer. He didn’t want to move on. He wanted Elmer and only Elmer. He had Elmer. Not anymore. Suddenly the world didn’t seem so bright and happy. Suddenly he was lonely. Suddenly the regrets spilled out in the form of tears. He felt sick. He felt disgusted with himself. 

 

“I love you Finch.” “I love you too Elmer. I’ll never stop loving you.”

He laughed bitterly as he read his texts to his ex-boyfriend. “Damn it. Fucking damn it.” he cursed. “I’ve lost him. I’ve lost him and he never would want me back.” He inhaled sharply. “I’ve lost the only boy that I’ve ever loved. Oh God. I’ve fucked up. I’ve fucked up everything.” He let out a shaky sob. “Oh God, Elmer! Elmer, Elmer, Elmer!” He felt the bile rise up in his throat. “Why? Why, why, why, why?” Finch felt himself shaking. “What have I done?’ He pulled at his hair as bitter tears made pathways down his cheeks. “What have I done?” 

“One day we’ll see each other. I promise you elm, one day we’ll go on a real date at the park and be that cheesy couple everyone wants to be. I promise”

Finch looked at the tickets he’d wanted to buy but they were too expensive to get. He looked at his phone lockscreen and saw Elmer. Elmer, Elmer, Elmer. He loved Elmer and he ruined it. He ruined everything they had once had was worthless. All those overnighters spent facetiming and texting, all those meme wars, all of those things that Finch would never be able to do because he thought he couldn't do this. 

“Maybe its time we think about being realistic. This was never meant to last.”

But maybe it would’ve. Maybe it was meant to last. It was meant to last, because they loved each other, at least Finch loved Elmer still, while Elmer may have moved on.   
Finch felt his heart sink at the replies Elmer sent him. He had time to save it. He went to type a response then sheer coincidence ruined his chance. Finch’s phone died along with any chance he had at fixing his mistakes.

“Im sorry but i think we both need to move on”

Finch wished he could. It had been weeks and he still felt numb. He still felt bitter regret sweep over him everytime he opened his phone and saw his lockscreen of Elmer. He still felt nothing but loneliness. He still no longer felt alive. Maybe he deserved this. Maybe he deserved this bland hell that he was living without Elmer. Why hadn’t he realized how beautiful the sun was when he had sunshine? Why hadn’t he just love what they had? Why had he wanted more and more until the reality hit him? Finch was a dreamer. He never realized that losing reality could ever be reality. What had he expected? Elmer to grovel and beg for him back? To just get over this in a few days? To forget about all those memories he had with Elmer, to forget their conversations of a family, meeting Elmer’s friends because Finch had none himself? Finch was alone, and the fact he had nothing almost hurt more. He stopped leaving his flat, he stopped making impulsive and reckless decisions, he stopped posting to his social media because Elmer was there and all of Elmer’s sunshine was there. He stopped posting covers of Elmer’s favorite songs because Elmer didn’t text him and beg him to sing another one of his favorite songs. There was nothing left for Finch. Nothing but regret and guilt and sorrow. 

He wasn’t expecting breaking down after this. He wasn’t ready to be alone. But Finch had to be. He had to move on and he had to learn to survive by himself, he had to lear to be able to exist, knowing that Elmer wass somewhere across an ocean living and being his normal sunshine self, and being happy without Finch. He stared at the pictures on Elmer’s instagram. The pictures of Elmer and his brother at the beach, the videos of him running into the water and tripping and falling off a skateboard, the videos of him laughing and showing Finch how much Elmer didn’t need to want him anymore. 

How do you move on? Finch wished he knew the secret, he wished maybe his heart would mend. He wished that his heart just didn’t exist and that he would stop feeling this despondent and forgotten. He wished this loneliness would stop.

“I hope you’re happy Finch, i really hope you are, because i am”

His phone lit up. Elmer had texted him. His heart swelled with joy before reading his message. His phone hit the wall and the screen shattered at the same time Finch’s heart broke to never be fixed again.


End file.
